Of Seeping Weeds and Better Grass

This is kind of part two of the Grass Chronicles. Last time (Of Lawns and Aphorisms) I discussed how living in one extreme can often lead to another extreme, and how comparisons against other people is not how to rise above in life. I also talked a little bit about the difficulty of keeping a clean lawn in the midst of hayfields. Let's go into that a little more. . .

So, as I was thinking and walking and looking at grass, I thought about my own lawn. At the beginning of the summer, I sprayed most of the weeds and they died off. But evidently I missed some, because now the front yard is covered with annoying and ugly weeds and things. My point is that weeds spread. This blog may be a little shorter than most, because that's just about it. Weeds, when left unattended, spread and overtake your yard, and even the yards next to you. Thus, although it may look good on you for the time being to chill near the "hayfield" lives, and you may get plenty of good-natured attention, you sure as anything had better make sure those hayfields surrounding you don't seep weeds into your life. Standing out among the less-disciplined provides recognition for a while, until the weeds that have taken over their yards start taking over yours.

Now, on to people. There are people who are organized, ambitious, and disciplined; and there are those who are not. If you are striving to be successful, it would probably help if you weren't always having to spray out the weeds of sin and other bad habits that were seeping in from non-ambitious lives around you. However, we are called to lead those weedy lives higher, call them to a place of better grass so to speak. There is a fine line dividing too much and too little time spent with each type of group. We must learn to balance that tightrope, investing in others, but not neglecting to be invested in ourselves.

It is similar with ministry. It is indeed our calling to lead people to Christ, to help them grow deeper. For some that means getting up on a platform and preaching or leading Christ's followers in worship. But we must not neglect ourselves, or else we will not be able to minister to our full capacity. My dad gave me an example of this when I suggested simply forgoing college and going straight to the mission field. He said, "A doctor can reach down to a homeless person on the street, but a homeless person can't reach up to a doctor." Same with grass. A clean cut lawn can hold position and influence with other clean cut lawns, while also influencing lawns which are not kept up. An unkept lawn, however, can only have slight influence on other lawns, without any regard at all to the well kept lawns. Same with lives. God has called us higher so we can call others higher.

Here is what I'm trying to communicate:
1) Reach up to God and respectable people, who will take you higher
2) Reach out to others on your level, to have a mutual relationship in which you help each other climb higher
3) Reach down to underpriveliged, underinformed, or undermotivated people, and give them a hand up

Reach up, reach out, reach down.

Of Bumblyburg and Prideful Thoughts

Went for my driver's test today. Failed it miserably. I was upset.

But more than being upset, I was angry. At first I thought I was angry at the "stupid lady" who graded me on my driving. Then I came to the conclusion that it wasn't her, but the heavy traffic that I had to maneuver because of the time of day. Or that truck that tried to pass me on the right while I was trying to merge quickly into that lane. Mixed with my current level of frustration and lack of sleep, this provided the perfect explanation for me. But after slamming the strings of my acoustic for a while, I decided that it was neither of those reasons that I was really mad at.

I was simply mad at myself.

Not just mad because I had failed it, but mad because now I have to go tell everybody that I failed it. This is especially bad when you've previously found everyone that would listen to you, and excitedly told them that you had a driver's test today. My natural reaction was anger, because if I got angry at all the things that hurt me, perhaps everyone would feel sorry for me instead of laughing or telling me how much of a failure I am. I've already been told that once today. At least if I got really mad then maybe no one would really approach me about it. But whatever the case, the excuses and the anger flowed from my every pore.

After pouring my angry heart out to God for a while, it is plain as day to me that my failure was fully and completely my fault. Yes, I think I have a right to be disappointed in myself and maybe even in my circumstances, but I absolutely don't have a right to make excuses and beat myself up for the rest of the day. It may not exactly be hakuna matata, but the past is the past, and the past is not something to dwell on. . . It's something to learn from.

So what can I learn from this?

First, I should focus on improving my driving in the areas that were mentioned in the after-test report thing. But I think there is a deeper lesson to be learned. I have often heard the proverb "Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall," but never has it been more real to me than this. I have drawn a new dimension into my knowledge of this phrase. It is true that pride may make your chances of failing higher, that overconfidence could lead to complete destruction, especially if that overconfidence has no basis.

I think there are two different kinds of pride: genuine pride in some accomplishment you or someone you love has made, and the kind of bragging pride that is either hurtful to someone else, or even yourself, being that your pride is based on absolute speculation, or is not even yours to be proud of. Although there is an extremely fine line between the two, I believe the pride spoken of in Proverbs 16:18 is the second, more arrogant, pride. In this sense of the word, my recent epiphany has led me to read this as "Pride increases destruction, a haughty spirit lengthens the fall." By this I mean to say that pride not only increases your chances of destruction, but also that pride makes the fall hurt worse. When pride leads you to go bragging all over the place about this or that, if for some reason, or by some slim chance that thing that you've been bragging about turns out not to be true, you're not only unhappy, but your reputation is damaged and you are pained more than you would have been had you kept your excitement to yourself. The more and more you tell people of your pride, the harder you fall if it turns out to not be true.

This makes me think back to the lessons on lying that I learned as a child. The more you lie, the more you have to lie to cover up that lie, and so on. Eventually, just like our fine friend Junior the Asparagus, you build up a fib so big that it threatens to destroy the Bumblyburg inside of you. Eventually almost every case is discovered, and as I learned the hard way, the spankings last longer and hurt more if you lie about it. Just the same, the consequences of pride can be disastrous.

My mom told me a little thing about meekness the other day. Meekness is not synonymous with weakness. On the contrary, it is the humble strength that says "I have nothing to prove; my life will speak for itself." If you have meekness, you don't need to have pride; your life will speak for itself. Then others will speak for you, which is more honorable than speaking for yourself. Jesus Himself said when he was being doubted: "If I glorify myself, my glory means nothing. My Father, whom you claim as your God, is the one who glorifies me" (John 8:54).

Looking back over my ramblings I see that I have gone on many tangents, and I don't quite see how to wrap this up. Thus, may God bless us all as we battle pride and search for meekness. It will benefit us in the end.

Of Lawns and Aphorisms

I pass many houses during my daily walks. Walks to school, work, the mall, friend's houses. . . One major thing I notice on my walks is the quality of grass in people's yards. For example, on my way to work I pass through a variety of "neighborhoods." One clump may be fairly high class (I'm talking about lawn care here, not judging people), and then the next street you pass starts a completely different "lawn sector" (as I will refer to these clumps from here on out). Anyways, as I came to a usually unkept lawn sector on my way to work the other day, just kinda lookin' around, I was surprised to see a very distinctive line separating two people's lawns. I looked all around me and sure enough, this was the "hayfield" area, but there was one lawn that was cut cleanly, trimmed well, and just was looking good overall. It made me smile. I wanted to go up to the house and give the owners a big bear hug.

Why didn't I feel this way about the countless clean-cut lawns that I had passed only minutes before? Wu ji bi fan. This is a Chinese aphorism which means "movement to one extreme is bound to cause a reversal to the other." In simple English terms: extreme happiness brings sorrow; extreme sorrow brings happiness. When I was in the middle of the well kept lawn sector, the seemingly endless short-cut lawns were dull and boring. But in the middle of the hayfield sector, that one beautiful lawn stood out incredibly.

I have two points I want to make with this. The first is that many of us are surrounded by "hayfield" type of people. Most of the people in the upcoming generation (mine) don't really have that much discipline, and even get in arguments about who's lazier. In that kind of an environment, it is very hard to rise above the rest and get out that lawn mower, fire up that weedeater, and get that lawn cleaned up. It takes discipline to keep a lawn clean, especially when it doesn't really stand out as the worst. You may not stand out as the worst, but believe me, you will stand out when your lawn is the only well-trimmed one among the rest.

My second point is that the typical American (or Canadian) has a great life compared to most people in the world. Its like we in America are the well trimmed lawn sector of the world, along with a few other countries. As soon as one mishap takes place, we freak out and complain. As soon as the grass grows slightly longer than our neighbor's, it becomes an emergency. This is the problem. We were not created to compare ourselves against someone else. Ever pulled the "yeah well he. . ." thing with your parents? How did they respond? "We're not talking about Billy, we're talking about you." Live life to the best of your ability, focus on God, and He will lead the way.

I'm considering starting "The Grass Chronicles". . . or something to that effect. Anyways, more about grass on the way.

Of Humility and A New Perspective

You should read this: Humility Comes Before Honor - by Kristy Dahms. I believe this is the essence of being hiddeninsignificance. It is good to have a new perspective on topics such as this one.

Of Beauty and Invasion

CAUTION: Slippery When Wet.

It took me forever to find this spot. It was a rather painful forever, too. I am sitting among swarms of mosquitos in a seat molded perfectly for me at a place called blue hole. It is so named for the clear blue natural swimming hole that rests in the middle of a series of cascades tucked away in an obscure little creek near Elizabethton, TN. You should absolutely go. But when you come, bring a large team of volunteers and a lot of trash bags. As I look around I see the brutal conflict between the beauty of God's creation and the carelessness of mankind. This place at one point would have been a beautiful, undisturbed place of solitude; a place hiddeninsignificance. Insignificant because of how hidden it is, but also significant because of how insignificant it is.

First, I would assume, came the wilderness hikers. They came home and told everyone they knew about this beautiful place, and then there was a road. For the sake of all the lazy people who would only want to see it if it was accessible, the road was built almost right up to the falls themselves, only separated by a beautifully large rock. Soon after the road was built, the careless came. Now, looking around at the beauty and magnificence around me, I have to try to see around the beer cans, socks, pop bottles, and carloads of people. This is not to say that I am not enjoying myself. I've experienced a lot in the last hour or so. From dangling my legs off a 40 foot sheer rock face to helping a struggling inch-long bee out of the water to simply admiring the beauty of the waterfalls and the trees and the . . . bigness. Our God is an incredibly huge, but still expressively intricate creator. Stars flow from his mouth, yet he knit us together cell by cell. God's awesomeness never ceases to amaze me. Sometimes it passes to the back of my mind, but anytime I think of creation, I am zapped with a new burst of awe.

I think what I have discovered through my thoughts about this is that true beauty is not available to everyone. The truest and most magnificent beauty is hidden the deepest. Anytime beauty becomes easily accesible, it is destroyed. Think of all the movie stars, supermodels, musicians. . . . Very shortly after a new beauty is discovered and turned to the public, their life falls apart. Even the local beauties suffer. By the time they are ready to marry, they've been through so many failed relationships that they don't want to marry. They fear commitment because they have been used too often. All of this is just a reinforcement for the scripture in 1 Samuel: "for God sees not as a man sees, for a man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." If God looks at the heart, then surely He focuses most of his care and love and beauty on the heart. Outwardly beauty is wonderful; I believe we were made to appreciate things that were pleasing to our eyes. But to find real beauty--true beauty--deep beauty, we must push through the brush and struggle through the wilderness. Beauty wants--needs--to be discovered; and once you arrive there, it is an incredible thing.

Beauty is worth fighting for.

Of Prayer and Relationships

"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by men. I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words." (Matt 6:5-7)

Flash back about eight years.

This is my first time attending the church prayer meetings on Saturday nights with my dad. Nope, sorry. Can't sleep over tonight. But inside, I'm not too sad. I'm finally growing up. Finally to be recognized as something more than an insignificant child. I am nervous my first week. I sit quietly with my dad, soaking up the genuine spirit of the meeting, along with the religio-lingo that gets stuck in there to make everyone in agreement feel important. As I sit there huddled beside my dad, I formulate my prayer for next week. It will be grand.

This is probably my first time experiencing the kind of feeling that I believe the pharisees of old felt. You know the ones. . . they were the ones Jesus was talking to when he said, "pray in your closet." Anyways, here I come to the next meeting. Theres a lull in the praying. . . here's my chance! "Jesus. . ." I begin. Oh no! What comes after this? Dead silence. "Uh. . . please help my grandpa's leg to feel better." I blew it! My chance to impress all the mature Christians that I want to be recognized by, gone! Right out the window! As the meeting comes to a close, I am surprised to be greeted with thanks, with an almost adult-like respect. It isn't just smiling, as if to hide thoughts like, Oh man why did that kid have to come here and ruin our religious time with God. They were genuine thank-you's.

Flash forward to now. Looking back I realize that the response I recieved from my prayer may have been because of the simple joy that I gave everybody just from the encouragement of seeing a kid who seeks God. But maybe there was more to it than that.

The simplicity of a child.

Despite the fact that I'd had this huge elaborate speech of a prayer planned out, when it slipped my concrete, childlike mind, I automatically reverted back to my natural self. My natural self is the person that I am when I "pray in my closet." I was thanked not for the depth of my prayer, but for the authenticity of it. I was simply praying to God the same way that I would any other time.

My dad is a firm believer in "ask for what you want." The philosophy of this idea is that someone can't help you achieve something if they don't know what it is you want to achieve. The easiest way to help someone see what you want is to simply ask them strait up. In fact, people often get annoyed when you put too much icing on the cake and side-step your actual question.

I believe that God responds in a similar way. Not that He gets annoyed with us necessarily, and not that he doesn't already know what we're trying to ask, but God doesn't need or want to hear all the elaborate speeches we hear in prayer meetings. Our God is a god of the common folk. Proof of this? The New Testament was written in "slang" Greek (a nifty tidbit I picked up from my dad). He had the Bible written in the common tongue so that everyone would be able to know Him. Not just the scholars and philosophers. From the naive children to the stubborn elders. Everyone.

God created everyone as they are, with specific plans for them. He knows the journeys. He loves us as He created us. When we come to Him in prayer, specifically in front of others, I don't think he's looking for us to show off how "tight" we are with Him. That's silliness. It's like these stupid "top friends" on myspace and facebook. Instead of aiming for deep relationship with someone, we aim for a spot on that top friends list; whatever it takes, I've got to get on his/her top! This isn't what relationships are people! Yet, however much I wouldn't like to admit it, I myself get trapped in this relationship race quite often.

It is much the same with our relationships with God. He wants us to aim for personal depth, not the admiration of others for our vocabulary or our "deep relationship with God." I believe God is infatuated with children. Children are so genuine, so simple, so insignificant.

"Therefore, whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven" (Matt 18:4).

God loves the simple. He wants everyone to come as we are. He created our "natural selves." He wants us to come to Him just as he created us. He desires for us to be one person, a person of integrity, without different costumes and masks for every situation. God wants that person that is praying fervently in the closet to be the same one praying in the spotlight. This is not to say that the spotlight is wrong. Indeed, the Bible, our life manual, encourages praying in groups. We've all heard the pastor or small group leader recite the scripture: "Where two or three are gathered. . ." However, there is also the time that he criticized the hypocrites who pray on the pedestal. So what does this mean? Does it mean that Jesus just can't decide what we should do? Definitely not. I think that both apply.

God wants us to pray like we pray like we pray. Same in the closet as in the small group as in the spotlight. The emphasis is not on how many people are watching, but on our internal motives for our prayer. Are we praying to and for God alone? Or is there an ulterior motive? Are we working up the relationship ladder to God? Or are we working up the church ladder to fame and importance?

Of New and Old

educationisnowhere

I recently saw this jumble of letters in a magazine advertisement. The caption mentioned that this could be read two ways: "education is nowhere," and "education is now here." Much the same, the title of this blog, "hiddeninsignificance," can be read two ways: "hidden insignificance," and "hidden in significance."

Both of these phrases mean something to me, so it saddens me to make them my first post, for soon enough they will be lost in the uttermost depths of the archives. Still, I must explain my meaning, if only for myself. As I tried to come up with a name for this blog, everything I came up with was taken. Every of my ideas was rebutted with a suggestion to stick "couper" on the end of it. My first thought was an idea that I had been mulling over in my mind for some time: the difference between "insignificance" and "in significance." I was really intrigued that such a minor difference could make such a major change; a complete flip-flop in definition, but still both remain true. But insignificance was taken, and nothing I could do to it was both legal for a blog url AND kept the initial meaning and depth of the thought.

So I sat.

And as I sat, an old Fanny Crosby hymn passed through my mind: "He hideth my soul in the cleft of the Rock, that shadows a dry, thirsty land / He hideth my soul in the depths of His love, and covers me there with His hand . . ."

I am hiddeninsignificance. I can think of many songs that start out along the lines of "Who am I?" I am one among billions. I am a cell in the biological structure of the Body of Christ. What about when I'm up in the spotlight, leading a hundred people in corporate worship? I am a road sign, pointing people to Jesus. I am nothing. At most, I am a vessel. I am just another insignificant place holder tucked away in the crowd. All this being true, those "Who am I" songs go on to say something like "that the Lord of all the earth would care to know my name. . ."

I am hiddeninsignificance. The psalmist wrote, "You knit me together in my mother's womb." I am not an avid "knitter," but I would guess that it doesn't just happen. It's not like God said, "Let there be Daniel" and there was Daniel. He knit me. Every tissue, every cell, every organelle, every A, T, C, and G of my DNA. That is a lot of intricacies for something so insignificant. So perhaps I am not so much Insignificance as I am inSignificance.

I am hiddeninsignificance. When insignificance is made in significance, it takes on a whole new meaning. Insignificance is the exact opposite of significance, which means "something that has power, position, or value." Thus, insignificance is the lack of power, position, and value. The awesome thing is that our insignificance makes us eligible for entry into the Significance. This Significance is the most powerful and valuable force in the universe. In fact, this Significance is the spring from which all insignificance sprang forth.

I am hiddeninsignificance. By now, you may be wondering where the "hidden" comes into all this. Backtrack a little bit to being insignificant. Is this insignificance a bad thing? One more thing that God put in between us and Himself? Must we surpass this insignificance to reach Him? By all means, No! Quite the contrary. We must not overcome insignificance. . . we must embrace it. Many know the story of Jesus and the little children from Sunday School. However, few realize the power and the value of it. Jesus said we must become like the little children. In an adult world, children can be seen as anything from a nuisance to a "doll," but in one word, children are insignificant. As a result of this, children must cling to and immerse themselves in the identity or significance of their parents. This is what God desires for us. He holds in Himself a significance deeper than any that we could amass. He desires not for us to find our own significance, but to integrate ourselves into His unsurpassable significance.

I am hiddeninsignificance. This concept is far too deep for me to understand, let alone write all I wish to share about it in a matter of a few hours. There is much more to being hiddeninsignificance than I know of. But I do know one thing.

I am hiddeninsignificance.