So I've kind of given up on having a consistent blog with consistent readers, as you may be able to tell. Life is full enough without trying to think of something to write every few days. On top of that, I gave up computers and t.v. and the like for Lent, so even in these past weeks, when I perhaps did have something to write, I wasn't able to post it. But that's not even the point of this at all...
My point does, however, somewhat relate to the Lenten season. I have indeed been thinking quite a bit. One thing in particular that has struck me is something I learned about crucifixion. In general, though the pain of being nailed to a cross and hanging there until you die would be so incredibly excruciating, a larger purpose of crucifixion in general is to bring shame upon the 'evildoers' who sin against Caesar, the 'son of god.' Criminals were hung in front of the crowds completely naked, nothing secret, nothing "personal."
I've been intrigued recently (recently being the past few years...) about the meaning of the Scripture where Jesus says "deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me." What does it mean to take up your cross? I tossed up some thoughts about the sacrifice that it represented to Jesus in particular, and how we are called to sacrifice in the same way, because we are called to be like Him. But to the average Joe, crosses didn't represent sacrificing some element of oneself for the boon of another. For the average Joe, the cross represented shame. I think part of what Jesus is saying in "take up your cross" is about accepting the fact that we are sinners, and not hiding from that. It's about accepting our identity in Christ, not in ourselves. Being and doing as Christ has taught, not living simply to flourish our own reputations. In fact, quite the opposite perhaps. Some... most... of my deepest "God moments" have sprung from thoughts of my own sin, sprung from times where I feel so destitute and hypocritical that I don't even care if people know my deepest, innermost struggles, sins, darkness, hate, evil... flesh. That is where I am coming from. But we are not defined by our beginnings. We are defined by our Goal, our Aim, our Journey.
Furthermore, it sucks to have something embarrassing brought out in the open. Deep sins hurt even worse. It's almost like... dying. It destroys your reputation. Maybe that's the point though. We need to open those sins to the light, that we might die to them, and rise again with Christ into glory and life.
That being said, I'm gonna lay some stuff out on the table. I confess these things that you might pray with me for the triumph over them. But more so, I think, I bring them out that we might rejoice together in the God who brings us out of such despondency onto His shining shores.
I struggle with pride. I struggle with lust. I struggle with laziness. I struggle to live consistently for Christ, remembering Him in everything. I struggle to love with true, unconditional love. I have a hard time sometimes even wanting to come back to God.
Please pray for me.
Peace,
Daniel
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